Bad Habits

I've got quite a few bad habits. And I've never been very good at getting rid of these bad habits. They've stuck with me mostly because I haven't fought enough to get rid of them, or once I started getting over them, something happened and I fell right back into them. The ones I can think of at the top of my head are
1. I bite my nails- I know, gross. I don't know why I do this, maybe it's a nervous habit. Being still freaks me out sometimes, so I usually go to tapping my foot, rubbing my leg or biting my nails. I don't know if I'd go as far as to say that it's a "deeply rooted psychological issue" that I have to resolve, but I've never been able to stop. Half the time I am doing it unconsciously and by the time I realize it, all progress is gone and we're back to square one.

2. I put things off. I don't take advantage of the time I have, and I leave things till the last minute. When time comes to do the work, something comes up and I end up having one too many all-nighters. I can't seem to spend the time at hand, whether just an hour or so to go ahead and finish my reading, and I end up with 6 hours of work to do with only 3 hours to do it. This is something I can and will fix, someday-- tho I am not sure I will be victorious soon enough. But I'll have to just make that decision every time it comes around to it.

3. I overbook myself. I tell everyone yes and find that I end up only giving each of them a small part of what they deserve. I decide that since each of the events that's going down start at different times, I can spend a little time at each one of these. So I spend 30 minutes having dinner with one group of friends, an hour at someone's board game night, another 30 minutes hanging out with friends who are having dinner together-though I've already eaten, and then being picked up early to spend the rest of my night and maybe part of the next day with the friends that replace my sleep and steal my sanity. I burnt myself out in high-school when I tried doing this with volleyball, spring play, Student Council, creative outreach, SSLT, and tutoring. A few other random things were thrown into that group and I ran on pure adrenaline for the last 3 months of high-school (I literally slept at least 15 hours every night of the first week after graduation).

4. I put the important stuff on the back burner. I get reminded of the urgency or absolute necessity of something in my life, but I don't put it into practice and when things start getting messy it takes me a long time to remember why things went wrong. I'm quite the forgetful person.

5. I'll do just about anything for you if you ask me to. Sometimes this means I get taken advantage of and used, but sometimes it's okay. This is something that is going to have to be hashed out on a later date.

6. I compare myself to everyone else.. in every possible aspect of life. I put everything about me under the microscope and I find myself looking at others and then me, as if we should somehow match up. I compare what I look like to how others look like. I compare my friendships with those of others. I compare my habits. I compare my place in a group of friends. I compare the way I carry myself with others. I compare the way I live my daily life. I compare people's perceptions about me with mine about them. And when I fall short in my own eyes, which happens to be consistently, I beat up on myself for being such a loser. There's always something to change. Either I need to be more approachable, or I need to be less obnoxious. I need to be more of a quiet person. I need to be a better friend. I need to be that person. I need to not be me. And I ask myself why I can't seem to develop the kinds of friendship with a specific person over months that I see built in weeks by another person. I ask why I'm not the person they're willing to invest in. I ask why I can't keep my mouth shut when all that is coming out of it is stupid immature ranting and laughter. I ask why I can't seem to be like them and be me.

I'm sure I have many more bad habits, but it would take a while to pull them all out of the closet. So for now, there's a few of my best qualities.